Last night, my teammate Kylee and I had a GREAT chat on the phone. We started talking about my struggle with attempting to measure up and how I have to remind myself a million times to receive grace (it’s a fun time, lol). I had a vision regarding this about a little girl and her father. They were both dancing in a field, but the girl fell and scraped her knee. Rather than allowing her dad to help her, which was the most practical and obvious solution, she decided to run to her house in attempts to fix it herself. In the process of trying to prove that she could fix it, she opened the wound even further. Through it all her dad was chasing after her, begging to let him help. However, she persisted, because she had a point to prove. It’s sad, but I’d say this is a pretty accurate depiction of how Abba and I are operating right now.
The concept of “coming home” has been SuPer DupEr important to me and my relationship with the Lord. He is my refuge! My ever-present help! My hiding place! Even though I know those truths, I don’t think I understand them quite yet. When I told Kylee about the vision I received, she dropped a hecking wisdom bomb. “You keep saying that you have come home to the Lord. I’m not sure. I think you have been attempting to build your own, rather than accepting the Lord as home. A house is made of tangible things, a home is a sense of belonging. You’ve been running to houses, not running home.” I seriously sat on the other line of the phone with my mouth wide open. It is so accurate. I’ve created this world in my head in which the more I could do for God, the more He would want me. That false reality strains me. It tires me! I ache for grace but never fully receive it.
“I was looking at my sin but I was never getting free from it. You’ve settled it, I’m always loved, forever right with you. What a grand design!”(lyrics from ‘Grace’ by John Mark Pantana) One of the beauties of our God is that we receive the FULLNESS of Him (Eph. 3:19). Everything that He is, every part of His spirit, is extended to us. It is our inheritance as His children. However, we have the choice to receive it. Because of Jesus’ death and resurrection, I have been given an outpour of grace from the Lord. But, I have never chosen to live that out. Rather than walking in freedom from my sin and inability to measure up, I live in shame. I beat myself up for failing time & time again.
The reason He died on the cross was for this very reason, that we would no longer have to bear the weight of sin. & it’s tragic that I have convinced myself it is normal to live this way with God. It’s not. That was never His intention. But thank the Lord that He is breaking down those hurts that have caused me to feel this way! Re-shaping my heart to be a reflection of His! Filling me with truth that counters my scars!
It seems that I need to turn away from my janky house (the attempts to measure up) and run to the Father, my home. I truly believe that as I leave my physical home in Austin (IN 7 DAYS!!), the Lord will redefine ‘home’ for me. Rather than placing value on my works, I can be defined by His love & sacrifice.
“My people will live in peaceful dwelling places, in secure homes, in undisturbed places of rest.” Isaiah 32:18
Thanks for reading, friends!! Next time I post a blog I will be in THAILAND. Life is crazy. See y’all soon<3
I love this!! I am SO excited for you guys, and i can’t wait to witness all the Lord is going to do in and through you by reading allllll the blogs! Love you girl!!
Wow. There’s some really good truths here. Sometimes we get too cozy on the welcome mat of the kingdom that we forget to enter OUR HOME and truly rest.
goosebumps!! so good, noelle
Love this! Needed to be reminded. So encouraging!! So excited for you! I’ll be praying for you??
I’ll be praying for you!!!*
So good friend! Going home to the lord has been so strongly on my heart for the past few months! And I love how it is also on yours.
Noelle… you are do precious! You radiate Jesus! I am so honored to have met you at the lunch table!
sniff… sniff….. smell…. smell…. yep! This smells like a great one! HA HA! I loved our conversation!
WOW! Thailand is next!
You know how parents have gifts they know about before the child? or… say … you have a gift you have been soooooo excited to give someone because you know how much they will LOVE it!?? That is what I feel about you! Your heavenly Father has something so special for you … I can see Him on tip toes… with bated breath…just waiting to reveal it to you! It stirs tears to my eyes for some reason… So , I will watch and wait with you as you live IN His mystery …. and He makes Himself known to you!
Thank you for sharing and being vulnerable!
Love … your new ..
**afraid of smells**** friend,
Wanda
wow. i am astounded and BLESSED by this message. you have no idea how strongly this resonates, the concept of receiving gifts from the father has been spoken over me this past month. its so sweet that God put it on your heart me! God is so good. Hes great at intentionally placing people together, as He did with your family at parent launch! Excited to live in that sweet mystery in wonder. for sure expect updates on it in the near future ( or not, who knows!!)
i feel blessed to have such wise querns on my squad!!! yas nol, yas kylee