i decided to write this blog in the midst of my hurt and confusion. i want to be candid with you all, and this feels like the most mentally painful battle thus far.
let’s talk about my brief series of re-entry into first world privileges!!
flying into delhi from our ministry sight was culture shock. my squad and i stepped off of the plane and into a 5 star holiday inn. the lighting was dim, the people were dressed to the 9’s, and the dining hall had options other than curry (just india things-L O L). talk about feeling out of place!! i felt like i didn’t deserve a hot shower or unlimited pizza for 12 us dollars. i felt like free wifi was way too much access. i definitely didn’t feel deserving of a full bed to myself. everything that i once thought was normal seemed way above my reach.
& then…new york. our next flight was to NYC for a 13 hour layover. we went to a target, a costco, & an urgent care-and each one overwhelmed me more than i would like to admit. culture shock hit me hard. the amount of options i had in each isle overwhelmed me. 3 brands of kombucha? a row just for chips? a coffee shop INSIDE a grocery store? what is this life?! & don’t even get me STARTED on costco (it overwhelmed me even before i traveled abroad, haha). all i could think about is why i could only buy massive bundles of vitamin C pills rather than small, compact containers. a 13 hours i had looked forward to for weeks very abruptly became a time of sensory overload.
and here i am, in san jose costa rica. my new home for 3 months. it’s vaguely familiar, still something my mind can’t grasp. down the road there is a denny’s, walmart, mcdonald’s, starbucks and much more. i’m surrounded yet again by first world privileges, & trying to process how i feel about it.
all of this to say, life feels off. i believe being in India allowed God to shift a gear in my mind, to turn off my entitlement and view the world as He does. He allowed my living conditions to bring IMMENSE joy in simplicity. the time i spent walking two miles to the nearest, one-room-sized snack shop held some of the sweetest conversations. sleeping on the floor at an abandoned school never seemed inconvenient to me. the nearest market being 30 minutes forced me to indulge in the culture, which allowed me to invest in those around me. i’m incredibly thankful for all the Lord did through India, but BOY OH BOY did it throw me off coming back into a home-like environment. I began to ask “why” for all the things I felt entitled to in the states: food, grocery stores, AC, wifi, hot showers, etc. why would I hold such a tight grip on worldly things when MILLIONS upon MILLIONS of people around the world never get to experience them…ever?
this is just a smidge of the internal conflict I am having right now. how do i live in first world living conditions without overindulging? how do i create healthy boundaries that keep me from becoming entitled to things i truly don’t deserve? what does it look like to be thankful for where i live while also being aware that most people don’t have the privilege i do?
even though my mind seems to tug back-and-forth between frustration and gratitude, i know for a fact that Abba will meet me where I’m at. no matter what!!! He works through culture and works through living conditions. I GET to live a life of immense gratitude for the simple things surrounding me. praise God for being able to walk 2 minutes to a market. thank you, Father for allowing me to live close to a place with wifi!! thank you Father, for giving me eyes to see what you are doing in a place that is filled with things that could distract me from You.
during this time of culture shock & culture shifting, i would like to ask for tons of prayer. prayer that i would give myself grace upon grace. prayers that i would daily come to God empty handed and open hearted. prayers that Costa Rica would be a time of passion and witnessing prayers come to fruition!
thank you for reading, and thank you for your continued prayers. they’re being felt here in central america
all the love, Nol.
I can only imagine what you are feeling. The people you lived among in India were grateful for small things. Americans seem to always want more. Your insight amazes me. I am very proud of you. Love from Grandma
I am so pleased you were called on this mission & that you said yes! What a life changing experience! Prayers for what’s next ??
I hope you feel more comfortable with your surroundings when you can get into the ministry
Praying you are able stay focused on Him, that you give yourself grace upon grace, and that you feel the blanket of His grace and peace when things are overwhelming.
Love you!
Momma
I’ve tasted a little of what you’ve experienced in the Dominican Republic. What blows me away is how generous people are who literally have nothing and how selfish we Americans can be with our overindulgent wealth. I understand the struggle. I’ve had to conclude God put me here for His purposes and I’m to be grateful and rejoice in the Lord and not feel guilty and depressed for having so incredibly much stuff. Colossians 3:1says ‘Set your mind on things above,’. Perspective on the availability and value of ‘things’ is invaluable. Bless you!!
Noelle, thank you for letting us into the struggle so we know how to pray. It’s interesting that the places with the most privilege (western cultures) seem to have less of a perceived need for God. But, the need is great.
Prayers for you and the team as you dive into the work God has for you there…