beauty from the ashes

You guys, this is my FIRST blog post!! It has been such a whirlwind of events to get accepted to WRGY(World Race Gap Year), so it is a very refreshing feeling to finally be able to sit down and type out this blog to you guys. 

For those of yall who don’t know, at first, I was declined from this trip. I have known the World Race Gap Year was God’s plan for me after high school as soon as I heard about it sophomore year through a then, future racer, but now alumni. That being said, it was quite a shock to be declined from an organization that I had been in love with for so long and to make matters worse, I was vacationing in NYC the day I received the call. My relationship with God up until that moment had been the most essential part of my life. God was my rock, my best friend, my saving grace, my go-to. BUT, as soon as I got declined it felt like a part of my relationship with Him broke off. I desperately wanted to go to Him in that time, but the pain I felt was so deep that I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. I knew it wasn’t his fault, I knew that wasn’t the end of my journey, but Satan knew exactly how to convince me that those lies were true. 

To clarify why AIM declined me; in the past, I used struggled with anxiety that caused frequent panic attacks. Also, in the past year, a lot of not so great things have happened to me, which doesn’t help my case. Thankfully, by the grace of God, I was healed and decided to use the pain to help others who also struggle. The lady who interviewed me did not think I was healed. At all. That was a very hard concept to deal with since I had known for months that the Lord took away my struggle. This made it VERY hard to try and confront upper management about the ways they misunderstood my story. I was so afraid of being judged again and again.  BUT GOOD NEWS PEOPLE, Adventures in Missions staff is awesome, seriously. Once I actually got the guts to express my concerns (through the help of my friend Sam) they were SO willing to give me a second chance and fix their mistakes. Hallelujia! God is good and I am SO thankful to be a part of this organization.

The title of this blog is ‘beauty from the ashes.’ Someone at church this past Sunday placed their hand on my head and spoke that over me, and I TOTALLY see that phrase relating to this season of my life. I felt pain but by Gods grace, he has refreshed and enlightened my heart!

I felt like everyone deserved the full story of what I have been going through, which is why this blog is so long(I also love writing, sorry ’bout it…). But!! On to other info that I’m going to squeeze in here before I’m done with this FIRST BLOG(wahoooo)! With this organization, I am going to be living in Thailand, Guatemala, and India for 3 months each starting next September. In order to do this, I need to raise $16,600! I know its a lot of money, but the Lord will provide! If you feel lead to donate, you can do so through this blog site! Please consider donating, because I need all of the help I can get!

Thank you SO MUCH for reading this, I know its a long one. I love you all so much!!! God bless!