lonely but thriving

You guys, these past two weeks have been rough. I am not here to rant and complain in this blog post, but, I do want to give context to why I am writing what I am about to write. Since 2019 has begun I have grown more and more isolated due to broken friendships being cut off. A lot of that pain led me to be super critical of my social behavior and it spun me into a brief whirlwind of anxiety and borderline depression. It was short-lived but extremely hard to cope with alone. With that being said, I have been feeling super alone, which is triggering a lot of past emotions and coping mechanisms that I am not proud of. In the midst of this really tolling season of my life the Lord has been showing me a lot about relationships (with Him, with others, etc.). The goal of this blog post is to give insight into what the Lord has been teaching me, but please know that I am not the expert, I just think the Lord is pushing me into vulnerability as I cope with this conflict. I hope someone can gain comfort from this, along with peace and knowledge that the Lord is our almighty friend and comforter.

Almost every time I open up my bible the Lord shows me a piece of his heart in regards to our relationship and it is LOVELY. I used to see my sinful self as a burden to the Lord’s kingdom. Why would Noelle Elizabeth Parker be worthy of community with the Almighty one? Why would the Lord want her to do anything?  Hint: she is not worthy OR good enough, but for some reason, the Lord delights in her anyways. Isaiah 49 says “It is not enough for you to be my servant, I will also make you a light to the nations to be my salvation to the ends of the earth. Kings will see, princes will stand up, and they will all bow down because of the Lord, who is faithful, the Holy One of Israel-and He has chosen you.” He looks at you and me and sees something so worthy of His love that he would choose to exalt you as a light to the nations. He, the Holy One, has chosen US to serve him and to be a light. Being a part of His temple IS enough, but God’s plan stretches further than that. One of the most humbling things to remember is that God knows literally everything, therefore the opinions that contradict His own do not matter. You may think that your works do nothing to advance the kingdom, but the Lord placed you on this earth for a very specific purpose that was determined before the foundation of Earth was laid. I may see myself as unworthy of love, but THAT DOESN’T MATTER because the creator of the universe thinks I am the coolest. Our tiny human brains can not compare to the knowledge of Adonai. Thanks be to the Lord for our pre-determined destiny to be a light and servant!

Not only does He call you a servant and a light, He also declares you worthy of a name more significant than a son or daughter. (Isaiah 56:4-5). The fact that I am a daughter of THE king is the reason I am so in awe of my relationship with Abba. After reading Isaiah 56 my head nearly EXPLODED because God views me as something closer than a daughter, which is the most intimate thing I could imagine Him knowing me as. “I will give you an everlasting name, better than sons or daughters…that will never be cut off.” Read that and let it sink in. Since we have been chosen to proclaim the Lord as our savior He draws us near and holds us closer than a mom holding her newborn child would. From now on, for eternity and beyond, He will love us beyond measure, and nothing we say or do will ever cut that bond. Abba is indescribable. I could sit behind my laptop for hours trying to find the words to describe my heart towards this scripture, but it would all sound like gibberish. I urge you to stop reading this for a moment and just thank the Father for the truth laid out in Isaiah 56. Thank you, Lord, that even when I feel unworthy of all love an appreciation you go the extra mile to extend your hand towards my heart.

Goodness, we have such a compassionate father. My heart is bursting with His joy just from writing this. How could I ever feel alone with a king like THAT? Praise Jesus that loneliness is a straight up lie from the devil, because the King of kings is always loving on me wherever I go. My desire for those of you who have taken the time to read this is that you would begin to have a deeper understanding of the kind relationship the Lord wants to have with us. In the presence of the Lord, all loneliness and anxiety are uprooted. Because of His name, all of the riches of the world fade. Thank you for giving this blog the time of day! Know that you are never alone in your struggles & that whether you are approaching pain or are in the midst of it, Jesus takes all brokeness away. I have much much love for you all. God bless<3